Side Story, Hanna: Demons of the mind and the curse of Humanity

So this came out MUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHH longer than i originally thought…. I also had to do a LOOOT of scraping and rewriting to get things to the point i was happy with.

….Yeah, interesting chapter to write….

anyway this is a low point for Hanna, and a good way to see how much Instinct has really changed as a character…

ENJOY!!!!!!!


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Hanna


 

I couldn’t get it out of my head, I just kept seeing it. Over and over, it never stopped. One moment I was talking to Ulisus and the next moment my brother was gone. I got my brother back just to lose him again, only this time he was gone forever.

 

I don’t even remember how I got to my room, all that filled my mind were those few moments I had with my brother. The memories spun through my head endlessly replaying themselves, over and over and over and over…

 

…We were arguing, why did we have to be arguing? Why?

 

I just stared at the decorated ceiling that at one time could have improved my mood just with its beauty alone, I didn’t even notice it now.

 

…Was there anything I could have done? Maybe… No, there was…

 

I felt the tears come again. It was strange, in the beginning I couldn’t cry but now I couldn’t seem to stop. Sleep was impossible, there was no escape from the memories for me in sleep. My dreams just made the memories stronger and twisted them into horrible things, even still I almost craved them. Dreams and memories were the only places I could see Ulisus again, to talk to and be with him again.

 

I couldn’t remember when I had last slept but I could still remember my last dream, it was the one where I was the one who had shot the arrow that killed my brother. I had watched as another me had killed my brother then smiled at me, she had waved and blown a kiss at me just as I had once done when sending off my brother or father in the past. I had been avoiding sleep ever since then.

 

I knew it wasn’t real, Feris had been the one to kill my brother not me. I saw him, he had bowed after he was done smiling like killing my brother was the greatest moment of his life. He had waved and motioned for my silence with a single finger raised against his smiling lips, then he had just turned and walked away calmly. He had killed my brother then walked away like it was normal, the same boy who had been flirting with and flattering me earlier that same day in what I had thought was an attempt to bed me. That was a sight I’d never forget, a memory impeded so deeply in my mind it would never leave me.

 

How could I have been so wrong? If I had just known, if I could have just seen through Feris for what he really was… Even if I couldn’t do anything Ralt was there, Ralt and the mites could have killed him and then…

 

I just kept starring at the ceiling, it didn’t even register to me. All I could see was that last moment.

 

Ulisus had been angry, he wanted us to run away and escape the dungeon before it could hurt us. I kept trying to explain how Waynor was nice and that we didn’t need to escape, how he would make us a home here. Ulisus didn’t believe me and when I told him that even if I wanted to leave I couldn’t since I had offered all of myself to the dungeon to help save us, Ulisus had been really angry at that. He had said that we would just have to destroy Waynor, that way I would be able to leave even if he had a hold over my body and soul. I had tried to calm him down and explain, but he had been confused and scared.

 

If I had just had time, all I needed was a little time to explain things to him… Ulisus would have understood, he would have learned to be as happy living in a dungeon as I was… All I needed was a little more time… Why didn’t I just wait, why did I have to push and argue with him?

 

I had told Ulisus that he just didn’t get it, that he was being an idiot and acting stupidly like he always did. I had said so many things to him, things that I didn’t really mean but now could never take back. He had asked me who I trusted more him or some dungeon, and I had said the dungeon since it at least listened to me and my advice and he was acting like an idiot right now. He had looked at me shocked, and that was the last expression he ever made.

 

I had barely seen the arrow, but the flash followed by the pinkish mist cloud that rose up from it had been clear in my eyes. I had been confused for a moment and it wasn’t until I saw what was left of Ulisus’ body that I began to understand what had happened. I had reached up and found a greyish pink piece of meat that had been hanging off my cheek, it was a piece of Ulisus.

 

That was when I had looked up to see Feris, Feris who was holding a bow and smiling. Feris who had bowed and walked away. Feris who had killed my brother. Feris who I had shown around just earlier that day. Feris who I had thought of as just a silly boy who was far too much of a flirt to be a real explorer. Feris who I had been so very, very wrong about.

 

Had that all been a plan of his? The flirting, the jokes, the bewitchments, even the looks he sent me… Were they all faked, just acting for him?

 

Round and round my mind turned, over and over and over again I saw my memories play out on the ceiling. I think I could have been hungry, it didn’t matter. I could smell the sharp acrid scent of urine around me, that didn’t matter either.

 

I wasn’t sure that anything mattered anymore, why would it? After all, I was all alone now.

 

There was no one left who cared about me, nothing left for me in this world.

 

My home was far away and by now probably belonged to someone else.

 

My family’s business had certainly collapsed without anyone from the family to lead and protect it.

 

My mother was dead.

 

My father was dead.

 

My brother was dead.

 

What was left for me? What was left of me? Could I still be Hanna Tultsven when all that made me her was gone? If I wasn’t Hanna Tultsven then what was I?

 

Nothing… Nothing matters… No one’s left and nothing matters… 

 

Once again I saw my brother die, only now I saw my father being beheaded and my mother suffering from illness as well. Over and over my family left me, over and over I saw their deaths play in my mind as I stared blankly up at the ceiling.

 

Mama… Father… Ulisus… Why did you leave me? I don’t want to be alone… I hate being alone…

 

I reached out towards the ceiling trying to grasp the fleeting images of my mind, I craved for some level of comfort. To hold my mother’s hands again, to feel my Father’s strong but gentle grasp as he held my hand, to hug my brother again. I was despite for something, anything, that could help drive away the pain and help dispel the loneliness.

 

Someone… Anyone… Please?

 

But there was no one and nothing left, at least not for me. Not for Hanna.

 

I think I started laughing again, it was funny somehow. I didn’t understand why but it seemed so funny to me, I had nothing and all of my family was dead but I was still afraid to die. I couldn’t kill myself, I was too much of a coward to take my own life. All I could hope for was that death would come take me while I waited here staring ever up at the ceiling, that seemed so funny to me.

 

I was pathetic, that was funny to. Silly sad little Hanna, my life itself was a twisted sort of joke. At least it was a joke I could laugh at now.

 

I had lost track of time since Ulisus died in front of me, time just stopped mattering to me. I could have been here for minutes, hours, days, months, or years I didn’t know and I didn’t care. Time and its passage didn’t matter.

 

Nothing mattered, for some reason I kept forgetting that. Why did I keep forgetting that?

 


 

I was standing at the side of the bed, Mama’s hand was getting colder and colder. Ulisus was at the other side of the bed holding Mama’s other hand, his face had tear streaks and his eyes were watery. Father had left the room earlier, he didn’t want to see his wife like this. I think Mama’s dying was hardest on him out of all of us, he had been becoming more distant as Mama’s condition got worse.

 

The doctor had told us that the strange illness she had was beyond his ability, the healer said that it was not something his magic could fix. All we knew was that something was inside of Mama that was making her sicker and sicker every day, the doctor and healer both thought the only way to save her was with potions made from the strongest healing ingredients like dragon blood or perhaps unicorn horn. There was no way we could ever afford something like that with the loan payments being due next year, even if we sold everything we had we might not have enough left over after our debt for a potion of that level.

 

I looked down at my Mother’s face, her illness had made her a pale shadow of her past self. Her once beautiful and silky golden hair was now matted and dirty, her milky skin had become sickeningly pale and dry, her jewel-like eyes and exotic nose were now crusted with dried blood. Mama looked like a corpse, or perhaps one of the undead that I’d heard stories about.

 

Suddenly Mama’s hand tightened painfully around mine, her eyes opened wide and she sat up to look directly at me. Her eyes had become the color of blood, a deep disturbing crimson that seemed to see through me into the very core of my being.

 

“Why did you let me die, dear daughter?” (Mama)

 

I tried to pull away, but the grip on my hand was to strong and held me close. I tried to look away, but those crimson eyes trapped me and kept my gaze locked on them. I tried to speak, to deny, to explain, to apologize. Nothing made it past my throat, I couldn’t so much as open my mouth let alone speak.

 

Mama’s mouth twisted into a frown that ripped and tore the skin around her mouth, blood streamed down from her eyes, nose, and the new wounds at her mouth as she spoke. It was terrifying to watch, but I still couldn’t look away.

 

“Dear Daughter, I’m so disappointed in you… I thought you loved me, loved us, why did you let us die?” (Mama)

 

I turned away only to see the headless bodies of my brother and father, father was holding his head and Ulisus’ headless body was splattered with gore. They stood so close to me, too close. Father’s mouth opened to leak vomit blood, endless blood that soon became a river of black bile.

 

“You never loved us did you, daughter? You never cared…” (Father)

 

I reached out desperate to reassure them that wasn’t true, that I cared about my family more than anything else. I needed to let them know the truth, they couldn’t pass on thinking I didn’t love them.

 

“That’s not true! I loved you, I loved all of you!” (Hanna)

 

“Then why didn’t you save us, dear daughter? Why did you do nothing when we needed you?” (Mama)

 

“You could have helped me when I was attacked…” (Father)

 

“If you had merely sold yourself as a willing slave to help pay off the debt, the family could’ve afforded the potion to save me…” (Mama)

 

“Your brother died right in front of you. Tell us daughter, what did you do to stop it?” (Father)

 

I was surrounded by blood and bile, it reached up to my neck where I sat. It was crushing me, suffocating me, robbing me of my ability to move or speak.

 

“I used to be so much more beautiful than you, dear daughter… Why don’t you repent your failing me by giving me your beauty” (Mama)

 

Mama began leaning forward, her hands now skeletal with long jagged nails and yellow-brown sickness pouring out from them in streams. I felt as the jagged nails ripped into my skin and begin pulling off my face.

 

I started screaming, but all I could hear was my parent’s laughter. The blood and bile came over me and into my mouth, nose, eyes, and ears. It was flooding me, drowning me as I screamed.

 


 

I awoke screaming and struggling, the horrors of my dream lingering in my mind. It was sad but I couldn’t even call it a nightmare, doing that would mean seeing my family was now akin to a nightmare since the only place I could see them again was in my dreams.

 

It was even sadder that I was so weak and was so terrified of falling asleep, even when it was the only place I could be with my family.

 

I couldn’t even help my family when they needed me… I’m so weak, so useless… Weak Hanna… Useless Hanna…

 

I sat back up and looked up at the ceiling once again, once again the cycle of memories started. Mama, Father, Ulisus. I watched them all die, one by one. Over and over and over again.

 

I think that most of the pain had faded from seeing them die, all that was left was numbness. Emptiness. Loss.

 

I didn’t deserve to mourn, I certainly didn’t deserve to feel sorrow. I could have done so much more, why didn’t I do more?

 

I just silently looked up, my mind flooding me with my family’s deaths over and over and over and over…

 


 

I had begun hearing voices, they sounded like my family and said horrible things to me. They accused me of things I was beginning to believe might be true.

 

I started screaming to drown out the voices with my own…

 


 

“Hanna?” (???)

 

The voice was soft and feminine, it didn’t sound exactly like Mama yet Mama’s was the only voice that would talked softly to me. Mama always made sure to talk softly and nicely to me at first, she knew it hurt me more when she did that.

 

“Hanna, look at me, I’m not your mother.” (???)

 

I couldn’t scream anymore, my throat was too dry and hoarse. I wondered what Mama was trying to do now, it might be one of her cruel games. Mama’s voice liked to play cruel games with me, I didn’t like it myself but that didn’t matter.

 

Nothing mattered, why couldn’t I remember that?

 

“Hanna, look at me.” (???)

 

I looked away from the ceiling and saw the source of the voice. It was a woman of immense godlike beauty, her long shimmering and pale iridescent hair and ever color shifting eyes seemed familiar but I didn’t recognize her. There was someone else, another woman of immense beauty rivaling even the first only she was partially transparent and the only colors to her were shades of grey and white. Both were standing side by side, though the grey lady was floating off the ground a few inches.

 

“Well Loria, you were right. She does seem much more broken than before, waiting was the right choice for us…” (Grey Lady)

 

“Still maybe we waited too long, Hanna doesn’t seem to recognize you or me for that matter. Well, she only knew you as a voice, but still…” (Loria)

 

I watched as they talked to each other, I recognized the name Loria as the one belonging to the first woman but I couldn’t remember why that was. The other voice of the grey lady was familiar as well, but I couldn’t think of why that might be. In the end it didn’t matter, even if they weren’t Mama or part of her newest game that didn’t change anything.

 

“Oh Hanna… Maybe I was being too selfish to want her to remain my friend…” (Loria)

 

“Are you having second thoughts now Loria?” (Grey Lady)

 

“No, no second thoughts, Instinct, just some guilt.” (Loria)

 

Instinct? …A Paperweight? Why would she be a paperweight, she seems more like a ghost… Strange, but it doesn’t matter… Nothing matters anymore, I have to remember that nothing matters anymore…

 

“Guilt… Well, I guess that makes sense considering. I’ll let you start things then, that should help assuage some of your guilt, right?” (Instinct)

 

“Thank you Instinct, then I’ll begin…” (Loria)

 

Loria turned to look at me again, she was smiling but her eyes seemed sad. She walked towards me but stopped before she came within arm’s reach of the bed.

 

“Hello again Hanna, it’s been almost a week since we last saw each other. You remember that time right? When your brother Ulisus died right after you had been reunited with each other, when you watched him die without even the thought of helping him crossing your mind…” (Loria)

 

I remembered, I saw it, over and over and over again. I could never forget that time, but somehow I had forgotten Loria. That was fine I guess, Loria didn’t really matter. Nothing really mattered anymore.

 

“Oh but Hanna you know that isn’t true, that’s why you keep trying to convince yourself it is. You want to suffer Hanna, but you can’t bring yourself to face that suffering, can you?” (Loria)

 

…Yes, that’s right… because I’m weak… weak, pathetic, selfish Hanna… I should suffer, but I don’t want to… I’m too scared to…

 

“Oh but you are Hanna, you’re suffering so much. Do you want to know why?” (Loria)

 

I nodded my head, I wanted to know. I needed to know, needed Loria to tell me.

 

“You’re suffering because of a human, you do remember him don’t you?” (Loria)

 

A red haired boy. His smile, his flirting, his silliness, his betrayal, his bowing afterwards, his wave, his gesture for silence, his indifference as he walked away, I remembered who caused this.

 

…Feris…

 

“Yes Feris played a part, but think further back. Who was it that killed your father? Who captured you and took you from your old home and your old life? Who was it who stripped you of your future and your dreams, Hanna?” (Loria)

 

I saw them, men in armor holding weapons in their hands. They came to the celebration, they killed father and took away his head, they found us and tried to make us slaves, they ruined my life. Who were they? What were their names? Their faces?

 

“That doesn’t matter to you does it? You know all you need to, don’t you Hanna?” (Loria)

 

Did I, what was it that I knew?

 

Loria leaned in closer to me, her voice was quiet and I had to strain to hear her.

 

“They were human, weren’t they? Aren’t things like that just one example of the many terrible things that humans do?” (Loria)

 

I was shocked, the answer was so simple. Human, they were all human. I began remembering all the horrors and evils I knew were committed by humans, there were too many to count. It was so obvious now why they had all done what they did, why all those bad things happened in my life.

 

“Yes they were all human, just like you are human…” (Loria)

 

I flinched back and stared in horror at Loria, slowly I looked down at myself and the horror grew.

 

“Yes you know well the horror of humanity, don’t you Hanna? You know it far better than most ever will.”

 

I was weak, selfish, confused, scared, lost, alone, and sitting in my own filth. I was human. This was humanity. I hated this, I hated humanity, I even hated myself.

 

“No Hanna, that’s wrong.” (Loria)

 

I looked up again and saw Loria with new eyes. She was so beautiful, so clean, so smart and sure of herself and…

 

…Not human…

 

Loria smiled at that and her eyes twinkled.

 

“That’s right, I’m not human. Lord Waynor created me as a muse, a creature created from a dungeon.

 

Waynor…

 

It was a name that brought back many memories, happy memories filled with joy and contentment.

 

“I’m something most humans hate, I’m something your brother hated…” (Loria)

 

Ulisus hated…?

 

I didn’t understand why she would say that.

 

“Yes, Ulisus hated me. He hated lord Waynor. He Hated Instinct and Ralt and everything related to the dungeon. He hated your new home Hanna, but most of all he hated all things that weren’t human…” (Loria)

 

No, it was a lie. It had to be a lie. Ulisus wasn’t like that, he was a little stubborn but he was also kind. I saw flashes of Ulisus helping strangers in our home town, laughing and playing with me, protecting me from a mean dog, accusing me of killing him, collaring and enslaving me while I cried and pleaded for him to stop, slowly ripping off my skin and eating it with Mama and father…

 

“Ulisus loved humanity, you know that better than anyone don’t you? Hanna, you know the truth…” (Loria)

 

I did, I could remember all the times he talked about some of the other races. The way he treated the beastkin slaves.

 

The way I treated the slaves…

 

Humanity, it was such an ugly and evil thing. How had I not realized before, how had I not known? Ulisus loved that humanity, and even I had favored it in the past.

 

“Hanna, do not hate humans. Those bound by the chain of humanity, those who are slaves to it, they deserve our pity more than our hatred…” (Loria)

 

Pity…?

 

“Yes Hanna, pity them. Pity them and try to help them, to free them from the horrors of humanity. If you can’t free them then it is only right to lessen the hold humanity has over them, as we have tried with you. It is only when nothing can done, when a person’s bonds of humanity change into true love rejecting all else besides that humanity, it is only then were nothing can be done for them…” (Loria)

 

I recalled all the times that Waynor had offered to place a soulstone in me, I had turned him down each time. I had protected my humanity, glorified the ugliness and evil inside myself while turning away another option as wrong without thought. I could remember all the good points that my taking in a soulstone would bring, eternal life and youth not the least among them, and the only downside being losing my humanity and the ties to the gods that humans naturally had.

 

What had the gods ever done for me anyway? Waynor has done so much…

 

The voices were quieting and the memories had faded out of my vision, I felt clearer now. I also felt strange, like I was beginning to find something important but it was still beyond my reach. I could feel it, a sense of importance, something that still mattered, truly mattered to me. There was something I wanted, something I needed, something I was coming to realize I had foolishly thrown away many times.

 

“Your brother, Ulisus, was one such human. A human so in love with and devoted to his humanity he despised all else. I saw into his mind Hanna, I saw what he would have done knowing he was surrounded by what he considered monsters. He would have fought, killed, enslaved, and persecuted us for nothing more than not being human or one of what he considered tolerable races. He would have become Lord Waynors enemy, a danger directly to his existence…” (Loria)

 

I trembled as I heard her speak, a part of me, a large part, had realized Loria was right. Ulisus was a human in love with his humanity, that was how he had always been, there was no way he would ever accept living beside non-humans as different as the mites were. I had been deluding myself to think he would, no amount of time or arguments would have changed that. I knew that fact better than most, Ulisus was my brother after all.

 

“And that danger he posed to Lord Waynor is why I asked that boy Feris to kill Ulisus.” (Loria)

 

My world stopped, I turned away from Loria and simply looked ahead. The voices were just whispers, but they were stronger now and condemned me all the more.

 

“Dear Daughter, how could you befriend a monster? How could you betray us like this…” (Mama)

 

“She killed me Hanna, that thing killed me! You have to avenge me Hanna! Did you ever care about me? Then you have to avenge my death!” (Ulisus)

 

“Daughter, I had thought you had better sense. Of course monsters would do such things, did you not listen to all the stories? The monsters aren’t ever the heroes in them for a reason, Hanna…” (Father)

 

“I see that you have more suffering to do before you can accept things, I’ll leave you to that now, Hanna. I would help if I could, but Lord Waynor was very clear with me to not do more than read from you when using my powers. I’m sure you’ll just need some time…” (Loria)

 

I saw Loria set something on my bed out of the corner of my eye, I looked over to see it was a platter full of food and drinks. I didn’t remember seeing it before, but seeing it now brought a clenching pain to my stomach and throat.

 

“Instinct will be here with you, she’ll make sure you have food and can help you in… other ways…” (Loria)

 

Loria began moving back, she was headed for the door out of my room when she stopped and glanced back at me.

 

“I have always thought of you as my friend Hanna and I’m sorry for your suffering, but I’m not sorry for what I did. Ulisus was unfortunately too far beyond saving, too fully in love with humanity, too much a danger to Lord Waynor… He had to die, it was necessary.” (Loria)

 

Loria turned and left, and I felt a few tears slip down my cheeks. It was strange since I thought I couldn’t cry anymore, I guess that was just another thing I was wrong about. I had already been wrong about so much it didn’t surprise me at all.

 


 

“Nothing… Dear Daughter, you are nothing. Everything you were was because of us and now that we’re gone you have nothing, are nothing.” (Mama)

 

“I know Mama, I’m nothing…” (Hanna)

 

“Daughter you were a disappointment, did I ever tell you that? So much potential and all of it wasted because you didn’t inherit the family gift, the least you could have done is tried to learn some sort of magic. It might have shortened your life, but at least then your short life would be more useful…” (Father)

 

“I know, I disappointed you father. I disappointed everyone… I’m useless…” (Hanna)

 

“When are you going to kill that monster, Hanna? Will you ever avenge me? I would have done anything for you, yet you won’t even grant me rightful vengeance against a monster? Why Hanna, did you really care so little about your brother?” (Ulisus)

 

I dropped my head, tears forming in my eyes again.

 

“I’m sorry, I can’t… She’s my friend, the only friend I have left…” (Hanna)

 

“You’re weak, dear daughter…” (Mama)

 

“Pathetic…” (Father)

 

“Disgraceful… Being friends with a monster? Hanna, you are a disgrace on the Tultsven name…” (Ulisus)

 

I hung my head speaking softly.

 

“I know… I’m sorry…” (Hanna)

 

The water was beginning to cool, and the breeze running through and helping to clean my hair was the only source of warmth I felt. I was glad to have it even if it wasn’t an actual touch of another flesh and blood being, it was the best she could offer me now and I appreciated it more than I could say.

 

“The voices are back aren’t they?” (Instinct)
I couldn’t bring myself to speak, I just nodded as I began to cry again. I hated that she saw me like this, at the same time though I felt comforted by her being here with me when the voices came. Instinct was good at helping me drive them away again.

 

“You remember what you have to tell them right, Hanna?” (Instinct)

 

I nodded, it was the one thing that could stop the voices. The one thing I had left that my family hadn’t given me and couldn’t take away. Instinct had reminded me of it, helped me find and embrace it.

 

“It would’ve been better if you’d never been born, then we’d all still be alive wouldn’t we, Dear Daughter? You realize that now don’t you? I would’ve never gotten sick, your father wouldn’t have been killed, and Ulisus wouldn’t have ever been taken from home. You were the cause of it all… Tell me dear daughter, are you satisfied now that you’ve killed us all?” (Mama)

 

I shook my head, trembling as Mama’s voice accused me of my deepest fear. Instinct had told me it wasn’t true, that whatever the voices said was simply my mind playing cruel tricks on me since deep down I still wanted to suffer. Instinct said that I needed to get through it, to endure the suffering so I could be reborn as a new Hanna.

 

I wanted to be the Hanna she talked about, the one who was free of humanity’s chains and knew her place and purpose as surely as her own existence. The Hanna that got to be with Waynor, the Hanna who wouldn’t feel strange seeing and talking to Loria, the Hanna who would live happily in Waynor’s dungeon for all of time. I wanted to be that Hanna more than anything.

 

I said the words softly but I put all of my feelings, all the hopes and desires that were still beyond my reach, into the words.

 

“I’m Waynor’s pet. I belong to my lord and master Waynor and no other.” (Hanna)

 

“Useless broken thing…” (Father)

 

“I am a loyal pet. I will not betray Waynor.” (Hanna)

 

“Disgusting, how could you have ever been my sister? How could you have ever been human?” (Ulisus)

 

“I am a useful and obedient pet. I’ll do as Waynor asks and commands.” (Hanna)

 

“Sickening…” (Ulisus)

 

Only Ulisus’ voice was left, his was always the last and hardest one to force away.

 

“I want to be Waynor’s pet. It is my purpose and joy.” (Hanna)

 

“You let me die to become a slave…” (Ulisus)

 

“I’m Waynor’s pet. I belong to my lord and master Waynor and no other.” (Hanna)

 

“A slave to monsters no less…” (Ulisus)

 

“I am a loyal pet. I will not betray Waynor.” (Hanna)

 

“There was a time I could be proud of you, where I was proud of you. I feel nothing but disgust for you now…” (Ulisus)

 

“I am a useful and obedient pet. I’ll do as Waynor asks and commands.” (Hanna)

 

“I blame you, sister. I hope you realize…” (Ulisus)

 

“I want to be Waynor’s pet. It is my purpose and joy.” (Hanna)

 

The voice wasn’t going away, it was even starting to get louder. I knew I needed to get it to stop, I couldn’t leave my room until the voices were gone forever. I couldn’t see Waynor again until I could leave my room, Instinct made that very clear.

 

I kept repeating the words, they were the phrases that defined who I was, what I was, and what I wanted to become. The words steadied me, reminded me of what mattered and that I never needed to fear being alone or abandoned. The words were my new gospel, they defined the only laws I need follow. Saying the words aloud helped me, but what I thought as I said them was what I knew helped to heal me and my mind.

 

“I’m Waynor’s pet. I belong to my lord and master Waynor and no other.” (Hanna)

 

I love Waynor and that’s fine, it’s natural for a pet to love its master…

 

“I am a loyal pet. I will not betray Waynor.” (Hanna)

 

I’ll never allow any harm to come to my home, my friend, and especially not Waynor… I’d die first…

 

“I am a useful and obedient pet. I’ll do as Waynor asks and commands.” (Hanna)

 

I would do anything… everything… All for him, all for myself…

 

“I want to be Waynor’s pet. It is my purpose and joy.” (Hanna)

 

I want to be free of my humanity… I don’t want to be human anymore…

 

The voice was gone and I was in my bed when next noticed. Everything was clean now, my room, my bed, my body, and for the moment my mind. I knew the voices would come back, they always came back eventually, but I felt they were starting to lose their hold on my mind. I looked back to see Instinct hovering behind me with a small anxious smile, I wondered how long I had kept her waiting when dealing with the voices this time.

 

“They’re gone… The voices went away again…” (Hanna)

 

She smiled as a plate of fruit appeared beside me on the bed and I felt a breeze caress my head where her outstretched hand touched me.

 

“I’m proud of you Hanna, it’s taking less time for you to send them away now.” (Instinct)

 

I smiled at that, maybe soon the voices would be gone forever. Then I could start my new life, a better life, a pet’s life…

 


 

“Hanna, please… Mother is gone, Father is gone, and I’m all that’s left Hanna… You have to listen to me… It’s not too late…” (Ulisus)

 

I didn’t look away from my full length dress mirror, I think I looked healthy now but I still seemed a bit thinner than before. I might have to exercise more to build back up what I lost from all that time in starving in bed before and simply in my room these last few weeks.

 

Could you be quiet? I’m trying to decide what I want to become when Waynor saves me from my humanity, hearing your voice is distracting…

 

“Hanna, listen… You can’t let them do this… You’ll give up more than your humanity…” (Ulisus)

 

It wouldn’t be much longer now, Ulisus’ was the only voice left and even that voice was struggling to be heard now. It would only be a day or so more, then I would be free of the voices forever and my mind would be clean and solely my own again. I would also get to caste off my humanity and begin my new life, I almost couldn’t stand the waiting.

 

“You still have your soul… You know that, so I know it too… If you do this, Hanna, you’ll be giving the dungeon the only thing it didn’t get from you in your contract with it!” (Ulisus)

 

I winced, the voice had seemed a bit stronger near the end there.

 

Good… I’d hate to keep something as important as my soul from Waynor’s possession…

 

“…Why? Why did you become like this? I cant-…” (Ulisus)

 

I sighed as the voice disappeared. I thought of it more as an annoyance now then any sort of real problem, but it was still nice to have it gone. I almost couldn’t remember why I had so much trouble with the voices two weeks ago when Instinct stopped staying with me constantly, back then it seemed like the voices would never stop but now there was only one. Only one voice that was getting weaker all the time.

 

As I looked into the mirror at my bare and naked form trying to determine how I’d like it to change I had a sudden realization.

 

I’m a pet… And what makes for a better pet than a playful fennic…

 

I smiled at my reflection imagining what I could become, I’d heard of non-humans called kitsune and what I was imagining seemed a lot like how they were described in stories. I quite liked the idea of a few tails for myself and two more cute triangular ears on the top of my head, and as my smile grew I found myself more in love with the form I was beginning to imagine as my ideal.

 

…I’ll be such a great pet for Waynor…


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So yep that was a thing…… YAAAAY!!! wasn’t that a fun little trip with Hanna’s inner demons….

anyway this is the end of ark 2 for D.I. and besides the book exclusives this is the last chapter of Volume 1 as well. Luckily if your reading this on DPP you’ll be getting one of the 5 book exclusives in a public release… Yaaaay Favoritism!!! You fans on DPP also get to pick what exclusive chapter you want released for October (Via monthly poll….) and on Halloween here in the good old US of A i’ll be putting out the exclusive chapter with the most votes….

here are what your choices will be, remember to choose wisely!!!

1.) Yula/Tula Chapter, Hints on WTF Nora is….

2.) Sealiven Queen chapter, Cecilia is a WHAT?!?!

3.) Metia Prince Chapter, Yay politics and resource opportunities!

4.) Waynor chapter, dungeon making and automata… gotta prepare for guests after all…

5.) Winalfor beastking chapter…. foreshadowing… plenty of minor foreshadowing…

Oh and remember to bookmark, follow, favorite, share, comment, rate, review, and all that other good stuff wherever you’re reading this from…

oh or you can pop by the D.I. discord to see if i’m writing your crack, and to share the love and fandom…. or just yell at me to write faster….

Author Out…..

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9 thoughts on “Side Story, Hanna: Demons of the mind and the curse of Humanity”

  1. Wow, that was an amazing chapter. Makes me wonder if the voices were just her imagination/subconscious or if they were something else (gods, spirits, etc.) and Instinct was just lying. And huh, Instinct has body now (kinda). Wonder if it’s something Waynor can do too. Also, just out of curiosity but, are Kitsunes supposed to be humanoid monsters like the muses or are they at type of beastman?

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