Chapter 3

OHMYSALLY!!! OHMYSALLY!!!! OHMYSALLY!!!!!

I totally just moved mana outside my pinkie toe! Yes! FUCKING YES!!!!

I AM THE CHAMPIOOOOOON… AND I KEPT ON FIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHTTTTTIIIIINNNNGGGG TILL THE END… I AM THE CHAMPIOOOOOON… I SAID I AM THE CHAMPIOOOOOON… NOT A LOSER… CUZ I AM THE CHAMPIOOOOOON!!!!! OF THIS WORLD!!!!!!!

Ok how to do this… Shit… Ummm Sally said something about will and mana… HOW THE FUCK DO I MOVE MANA INTO MY WILL!!!                                 ……………..Ok Alt calm down…. You can do this, your patient, you’re an intellectual, and 

YOU’RE THE FUCKING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD SINCE TWO MINUTES AGO!!!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!

So I tried imagining mana floating from my toe into my mind and then projected out to make my status page…

And tried again…

And again…

And some more…

Maybe if my pinkie toe was closer to my brain this could work faster… that makes sense right? Like proximity breeds efficiency? I think I remember something about that…

I moved my foot up by my head in that way only babies and yoga masters are capable of and in a moment of absolute brilliance inspired by the foggy memory of the closed circuits of my old life, stuck my pinkie toe in my mouth.

Hahahaha!!! This way it doesn’t even need to leave my body or go far to reach my brain! I’m a genius!

At that moment I heard the door to my room open, and noticed the sweat scent that belongs to only one person.

“Awwwnnn… Little Altorus is sucking on his toesywoesys… yes he is. Yes he is. Mommy is so proud of you being so active and energetic. Yes I am. Yes I am.” (Queen)

She picked me up from the crib and started rocking me in her arms, disregarding my carefully planned and executed struggles that allowed my toe to stay in my mouth. I wouldn’t want the closed circuit to break and cause a magical explosion or something, all because one woman has a serious need to cuddle an unwilling hostage. In that scenario no one wins…

“Mmmmmmm, my little Altorus always smells soooooo GOOOOOOD! Almost like the best of all delicacies combined… I love that scent I can’t live without it anymore…” (Queen)

MY SALLY WOMAN CAN’T YOU LEAVE ME BE FOR AN HOUR!!!! We just HAD “Bath-Time” couldn’t you have indulged your WEIRDASS baby smell fetish then? I am making history with scien-… MAGIC!!!

“You know Alt dear, I wish you would eat something besides your toes… you must be starving all the time, I don’t know why you don’t just drink the blood I bring you. Is it because there is something wrong with it? There shouldn’t be I followed the manual to the letter… Maybe it’s an issue of the quality of the Source not the blood itself! Hmmm Altorus Mommy is gonna be right back she just needs to take care of some stuff, then you can get your first meal! Wont that be nice!”

The Queen set me down and rewrapped me in the covers of my crib, moving my foot away from my head in the process, then left faster than my eyes could follow judging by the slam and now closed door.

YOU FOOL! YOU DOOM US ALL!!!!                                                    

………………………….Oh nothing happened……. Yay I don’t have to die again! Now back to the magic making. Now to just put my toe back into my mouth… there we go. Man this would be a lot easier if mana didn’t come from my pinkie toe…

………Wait does mana only have to come out of my toe?

I tried making it come outside my body from somewhere else.

It worked…

IAMTHEBIGGESTDUMBASSINTHEHISTORYOFBABYDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Ok so what do I want? That’s easy, I want to see my status. Ok now just want that as hard as I can and throw mana out everywhere… I am tired of all this shit. I wish it was as easy as right clicking my avatar… man those were the simple times…

I closed my eyes for full concentration and wished with all my might while simultaneously shooting out mana everywhere I could, as much as I could. My efforts were rewarded when I opened my eyes and saw a new screen.

 

{ Name: Altorus Phantus    [abilities] }

{ Race: Vampeerus (Phantu)    [traits] }

{Age: 7 months}

{ Strength: 1 } { Dexterity: 2 } { Endurance: 1 } { Survivability: 300 }

{ Intelligence: 106 } { Wisdom: 47 } { Charm: 10,003 } { Leadership: 1 }

 

By Sally… I did it… it took me seven months apparently, but I did it… The screen, it’s beautiful. Am I crying? No it must be sweat. Manly sweat from my eyes after all this hard work has finally paid off… Yeah that’s it. Must be. Let’s check my abilities first, then we can check the race traits of… Vampeerus? I thought I was a vampire, are they the same? And what’s with this sub-race Phantu thing? Is that where my last name came from? WHO GAVE ME A LAST NAME!!! Oh man the queen is gonna be pissed when she finds out I already have one… Oh well that’s a problem for future Alt, don’t envy that guy, to deal with Alt of now wants to know his abilities!!!

I focus on the abilities box to see if I can open it. Big surprise it worked… all I needed to do was figure out how to open the system, once I got that down the rest is like any videogame ever… point and click… errr… point and think…

{ [Abilities] }

{ Advanced Calculation: you are able to perform almost godlike feats within the confines of numbers and logic. Gained for memorizing addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division tables up to the 1,000,000,000’s. }

{ language Assimilation: able to take in, learn, write, and understand any language you come in contact with almost instantly as long as it is read/heard at least 3 times }

{ Status Projection: able to project a quantification and detailed explanation of your inherent qualities at any time. Requires mana for first activation. }

All right, that was informative. And it looks like my time in the Void with my good friend math gave me an ability……… still never going back there though……..

Onwards to Traits!

I focus back on the main screen and bring up traits…

{ [Traits] }

{ [Vampeerus] }

{ Superior Senses: all five conventional senses are enhanced far beyond most mortal races ability. Due to your incredible senses the possibility of acquiring a sixth sense increases. }

{ Vamperism: you find sustenance in only blood. While you may consume other things, blood is all that will satisfy your huger. }

{ Vampiric Strength: enhances your strength, dexterity, endurance, and survivability to inhuman levels. }

{ Undead Temperament: age will not have an effect on your appearance unless you will it to. Age will never effect your health in any way, nor can you die of old age. }

{ [Phantu-Noble Descendent] }

{ Phantus Bloodline: as a noble descendent of this Ancient bloodline you are the inheritor of all its gifts and flaws. You  no longer gain the effects of Vampiric Strength. }

{ Phantus Curse: you are un able to have offspring with any creature that has consumed your blood before or during pregnancy. }

{ (Black Blood) }

{ Black Blood’s Allure: your blood is irresistible to races that feed on blood, and they will crave it more than any other. Races that do not feed on blood will still crave your blood, but to a far lesser degree. Increases your charm by extreme amounts. }

{ Black Blood’s Consistency: with the consumption of your blood a creature will find it to be the best thing they have ever consumed. Races that feed on blood will experience feelings of extreme ecstasy, satisfaction, and happiness while also having the blood restore them in mind and body. Other races will experience these effects, but to a lesser degree. Regular consumption over time or overconsumption of your blood will cause irreversible effects of: loyalty to the Phantus drunken from< obedience to the Phantus drunken from< devotion to the Phantus drunken from< and lastly obsession with the Phantus drunken from. Ascending in that order based on the quantity or frequency your blood was consumed. Outside of your body your blood will quickly degrade becoming highly toxic and acidic within 24 hours losing all its other effects. }

{ Black Blood’s Circulation: As this blood flows through you, you are immune to its effects as well as any other form of mental manipulation, as are those in late stages of black blood consumption. Due to the rich quality of your blood you can draw sustenance from it as long as there is some present within your body. Within your body blood is produced at an incredible rate, capable of replacing all blood present in your body within 3 minutes. }

{ Black Blood’s Regeneration: as long as there is blood and mana circulating within your body, you are able to recover from and regenerate any wound. Immune from disease and poison. Caution this takes place automatically and drains your blood and mana according to the wound sustained. }

 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF SALLY RIDING UNICORNS IN SPACE!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH BLACK BLOOD!!! Any other time or place this would be an awesome ability, even if it sacrifices vampire super strength and speed, but not here SURROUNDED by BLOOD DRINKERS while I am a FUCKING DEFENSLESS BABY!!!! Well at least now I know why my birth mother was so flip’n crazy… she had given birth to the vampire equivalent of Super crack… I’d lick me to if I was in that situation……………

MY GOD HOW HAVE I NOT BEEN EATEN YET!!!

…Well I guess I am the Queen’s new son, but aren’t I irresistible? It is almost disappointing no one has tried anything yet… and Props for the Queens self-control for lasting this long without doing anything cannibaly. Though that may be because she is too busy trying to give her bought and paid for son a SERIOUS mother complex…… I mean who whispers “YOU-WILL-LOVE-ME-THE-MOST” to a baby while it’s sleeping? That is beyond Creepy………                  

Shit I hope I didn’t just jinx anything by thinking all that… Ah well… What’s the worst that could happen?

…………………………… FUCK!!!!!!!! I really just thought that didn’t I? I am sooooooo screwed………..

 

 

 

It has been a week since I first used my status, and I have made some observations of my short time in this world. Firstly I don’t really get hungry. I mean babies are supposed to be hungry all the time when they are first born right? Well I haven’t felt hunger for the whole time I have been alive it might be that Black Blood effect, but this is just plain WEIRD. Even when the Queen gives me a bottle of warm blood, WHICH IS A WEIRD THING FOR A BABY TO HAVE TO EAT! What ever happened to baby food, formula, or I don’t know ACTUAL FUCKING MILK! Anyway, I didn’t NEED it. This of course freaked the fuck out of mom… uh… I mean the Queen…

THAT did NOT JUST HAPPEN IN MY INNER MONOLOGE DID IT!!!!

Oh Sally, Bath-time and Lovey-Dovey-Mommy-Night-Night must be starting to get to me…. Keep it cool Alt… KEEP IT CALM AND COOL!!!!                           ………Alright got that out of my system… back to my observations…

I guess I could eat if I wanted to, but I mean who is just gonna drink that for their first meal, I know I’ll probably drink blood because I AM a vampire but this is too much too soon.

I also don’t excrete… ANYTHING! I thought babies were supposed to be little poop factories that occasionally pee or vomit on someone, I was looking forward to ruining the day of half the people who look at me like I am a Klondike they would do anything for, but I can’t do ANY of that… and I have tried. Hell there isn’t even a toilet or something like that in my bathroom, so I guess vampires just don’t do that…

And lastly all my senses are like super enhanced the status was NOT joking, I can see, hear, feel, and smell REALLY well now, and probably my sense of taste is just as enhanced, but I haven’t tried that one yet, still not desperate enough to try blood-in-a-bottle.

Am I a coward? Yes. Yes I am and am proud to say cowards always survive while the brave heroes end up knee deep in shit creek without a boat or even some floaties as the SHIT TSUNAMI they didn’t see coming because of their confidence in always coming out on top sweeps them under to their death. Cowards are clever, wily, and intellectual so I doubt SHIT TSUNAMI is catching ME unaware thank you…

“Altorus! I have a surprise for you!” (Mo-… the QUEEN)

I looked up at mo-…

SALLY DAMNIT!!! All right Alt you can do this… Mother refers to the female that gave birth to you, but can also refer to the one who has raised and taken care of you… I… guess the Queen has done that… I mean she has done a good job of not eating me or drinking any of my blood for half a year now… ok here we go Starting Project: Mom’s second chance 2.0! Don’t let me down new mom! It’s this, or intense psychiatric therapy for the rest of my long faux-immortal life!

I looked up at mom as she rushed into the room and up to my crib. She wasted no time in picking me up and spinning with me until I wished I COULD vomit just to get her to stop. Then she looked at me with that look with 70% love, 20% hunger, 10% crazy that only she could make and went right on talking like she thought a baby my age would actually understand her.

“So it has been bugging me for a while now, but I just CAN’T be with you all the time, little Alt. And I don’t think I can trust any of the maids or servants to be alone with you either. Since your Mommy’s little Princeypoo you are going to need a Guardywardy to keep you all safe and sound while Mommy deals with all the Insects that think this kingdom is anything but MINE. Yes you do. Oh yes you do, my little Altorus…  So that is why Mommy got YOU your own first servant! One that will never betray you… OR me as she has proven her loyalty is without question to Mommy. Ready to meet her?” (Mom)

She looked into my eyes to make sure she had my little baby attention span riveted on her before continuing.

“You may enter now.” (mom)

“Yes, thank you my Queen.” (???)

In walked a tall and slender girl who looked to be about 17 years old, and while not nearly as Attractive as mom is……………………………

Therapy Alt… I’ll get lots, and lots, and LOTS of therapy later just power through for now. It’s not like you’ll be anywhere near as fucked up as most people have to be in Moral-backward-magic-land where people let others judge if their baby should live or die…. Besides Incest is common in medieval periods especially among royalty and nobility, and we aren’t even related by blood so it’s not THAT messed up… in a decade or two maybe…

NO! BAD ALT!!! Those thoughts STAY in the Maybe-if world where they BELONG!!! Focus on the cute servant girl! FOCUS ON THE CUTE SERVANT GIRL!!!!!!!

She had short, dark wild hair and long bangs that obscured what looked like grey eyes, a small cute nose, and over all a face that practically SCREAMED innocent and naïve. She wasn’t wearing the same drab clothes the other servants wore though, she wore an unadorned grey dress that went down to her mid-calf and some sort of slipper-shoe hybrid.

She smiled when she saw me and only had a hint of hunger in her expression, one of if not the LEAST I have seen from ANYONE so far in this world. She did a curtsy and with her face pointed at the floor and with a shy blush she spoke.

“Hello young prince, it is a pleasure to formally meet you.” (Cute servant girl)

“Little Altorus, this is Feraisa. She will be your new servant and guard. Don’t confuse her for Mommy ok?” (mom)

………………………………….I wonder how Feraisa would look in maid clothes…? Better question are maid clothes even a thing in this world? If not I have something new to add to the list of things to do…

  1. Learn magic/my powers
  2. Walk
  3. Talk
  4. Maid clothes investigation/invention
  5. Therapy
  6. Check in on Sally
  7. Animal friend

There we go… I’m sure pushing my therapy back a week will be fine. This is a type of therapy as well anyway… therapy for the eyes and soul…………………………………..

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